first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
