oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
