Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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