Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
