We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
