My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
