If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
