Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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