Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
