You're my little dorito
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
