Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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