Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she looked like the before picture.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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