you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
