She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
