my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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