One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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