thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
