I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
