It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
where am i from again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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