I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
