I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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