I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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