Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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