My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
