Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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