Im at strip club and am horny
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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