Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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