Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
