Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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