hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
