Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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