yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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