yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
