I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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