My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
