I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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