we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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