are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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