Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
