i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
