he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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