Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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