Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
