There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
