I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
