we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
