i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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