literally had 100 drinks last night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
