i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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