Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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