it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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