i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
