Non-Jews are for practice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
