ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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