My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
