Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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