Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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