Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
